A Christmas Survival Guide for Introverts and Anyone Who Finds Xmas Tough

I’m a big advocate for encouraging people to remember that they have some agency in what’s happening at this time of year.  And to build the skills to be able to communicate, influence and create change; to meet their own needs in compassionate ways.

Here’s a few ideas that could help make things feel more in synch with what works for you.

You don’t have to do everything. Not every invitation requires a yes. Not every tradition needs to be upheld.

Get clear on what actually matters to you. Consider what’s important to the people you love.  Make a plan that helps you to be there for the vitals or the things you love, to pace yourself for the things you feel are non-negotiable, and to say no to what is going to be too much.

Learning the art of saying no is a skill in its own right (and one I can help with!) – let me know if you need a helping hand.  A simple starting point though is to remember you don’t have to apologise or give long-winded explanations.  Stay calm, communicate clearly, hold your boundaries.

And remember you can say yes on your terms: shorter visits, day trips rather than overnight stays, neutral locations, hotel stays rather than being with people 24/7…

This one’s super important for us introverts but works for anyone where things feel a bit hard work.

Don’t just hope for alone time – actively schedule it. Block out recovery time before and after social events, and carve out some solitude space if you’re with people for longer periods of time.

Find a space that’s just for you if you can, and if not, grab some recharge time however you can.  It could be time with a book, a solo walk, a bath, or a drive.  It’s ok to say “I’m running out of steam a little and need to recharge – I’ll be back soon”.  In my experience, people are fascinated about the difference between introverts and extroverts so don’t be afraid to explain it and claim it.

For times when you can’t leave, give yourself permission to step away. There’s a reason why introverts are always the ones in the kitchen at parties!  Cooking and washing up can give your brain a break from the small talk. Playing with kids or pets is great for co-regulation. Noise-reducing earplugs like Loop Engage can help with sensory overload along with finding a quiet corner with headphones and some music or a podcast.

Planning how you’ll leave can be as important as deciding whether to attend. Having your own transport gives you freedom to leave when you’re done.

If it makes you feel better, find some phrases that will help your exit.  But it many situations, it is ok to just go – you don’t owe an explanation.  Check out what an Irish or French exit is – and note this isn’t just about making it easier for you; it can be better for everyone involved.

Why not claim at least one moment that’s just for you over this time?  An experience that’s protected from all the obligations of logistics, money and complicated family situations.  Ideally, something that gives you a lift or fills you with a sense of awe.

It might be stopping to listen to a choir, noticing a gorgeous moment in nature, a walk to the place that always lifts your spirits, an afternoon snuggled up in front of your favourite movie where you savour every moment.  Take time to notice this as something just for you, and keep it safe to revisit if you’re finding things tough.

If Christmas means difficult family members, boundaries are crucial. Just because something is expected; or has always been, doesn’t mean it always has to be.  You can walk away from toxic conversations. You can limit exposure to people who drain or hurt you. You can engender change, set out of bounds, find ways to keep triggers at a distance, and have difficult conversations in a calm way.

Again, this isn’t always easy to do on your own – do reach out if you want a hand to hone these skills in 2026.

Simple regulation tools are your friend.  They’re such a powerful anchor when there’s stress, anxiety, anger, bleakness, triggers…  They help soothe the body to help you deal with real issues without spinning off into the stories and signals that only make things worse.

Here’s a few to get your started.  Try some box breathing (in for four, hold four, out four, hold four). Or a somatic sigh (breath in through the nose, do a small top up breath and then sigh the air out).  Give yourself a hug with one hand under an arm pit, and the other on top of the opposite shoulder. Uses your senses to tune into your environment.

If you want to dip into the connection of others, but don’t feel up to conversation, then try some “secret” co-regulation.  We can support our systems just by being in the company of others.  So that could be watching a film in a cinema with other people there, a coffee in a café with a lovely vibe, giving a smile to a stranger on a street, watching a live class online (and even joining in the “chat). There’s many ways to reach out in a way that feels safe to wherever you are.

If you’re alone – whether by choice or circumstance – and want conversation, then remember there are ways.

On social media, look for the #joinin hashtag on X (formerly Twitter) and Bluesky on Christmas Day. It’s a space where people reach out, share, and support each other through the day.

And the Samaritans are there 24/7 every day of the year on Freefone 116 123. It’s not just for crisis or suicidal thoughts. It’s for anyone who’s struggling and needs someone to talk to. Sometimes just hearing another human voice, or being truly listened to can make all the difference.