Feeling like a square peg in a round hole? Don’t forget to try and find your agency
So, you’ve braced yourself for change, stepped out of that comfort zone and said yes to a new opportunity.
But you’re finding it tricky to adapt to all the newness and your system, on every level, is slamming on the brakes. You’re stressed, reactive and the internal messages are strong saying “this isn’t right for me”, “it’ll never work”, “I’m not good enough”.
Of course this might not be the right move, but it’s too difficult to tell when everything is screaming no from a place of fear (even if you’re not clocking it as that). I outlined this more in my initial blog in this mini Resistance to Change series.
As I mentioned there, the first step is to find ways to self soothe, bring your nervous system into regulation and gently acclimatise to the newness. This gives the breathing space to discern if this is the right place, the right time, the right opportunity for you.
But another important step – and one that we often forget – is to look for ways to shape the situation so it works better for us. It might seem like a tough challenge for the new kid on the block but it is possible.
Perhaps it’s a balanced conversation with your boss about some positive tweaks you’d like to make. Perhaps it’s a shift in role emphasis so that you’re playing more to your strengths. Perhaps it’s speaking up and influencing the “vibe” if it’s not what you hoped. Perhaps it’s bringing in some simple support structures that help you feel more like confident and capable you, and give everyone else a lift. Perhaps it’s just showing up as the real you, and letting that infuse the culture.
People, places, cultures and systems are fluid, even if they don’t always seem like it. And as part of them, we have agency to shape and influence them, so they work more for us.
We don’t have to spend all our energy desperately trying to change ourselves to fit. Or putting up with it through gritted teeth (or running away). We can take some action to help shape the fit around us.
Not easy – I get that. And a bit scary. But very doable (especially with the help of a coach like me, with powerful psychological and somatic tools to help you take your place ).
