5 Tools to Tackle Your Perfectionism (#4 Perfectionism Series)

Here’s some supportive tools to help put those best intentions into action:

Some of the advice from the last blog involves building tolerance to doing things differently.  It’s helpful to get really clear on what you’re trying to change and the specific actions you’re going to take, along with when and how you’re going to do them.

And as I mentioned, start small, begin by practicing in a safe environment to help your nervous system reassess its threat level to new behaviours, build gradually.  This should all be part of the plan.

I haven’t mentioned these for awhile but I’m a big fan of the tolerable step.  A tolerable step is one which moves you towards something you’re trying to do.  It is small enough to be manageable, but significant enough to feel tricky.  It’s just at the edge of your comfort zone, so can feel difficult, a little anxiety-inducing, challenging. But it is achievable; it’s tolerable. If you find yourself ducking the step and procrastinating – it’s beyond tolerable.  If you did it without any wobble or fizz, you’ve haven’t gone quite far enough.  You’ll learn your levels as you work with them more.  Remember our capacity is always changing too – what wasn’t tolerable yesterday might be so today.  And of course, each time you do a tolerable step, it will get easier – that’s the beauty of it.  Keep checking in, without judgement; without expectation.

The biggest “miss” I see in my coaching practice is noticing and capturing the wins.  And it’s one of the most simple and effective tools for locking in new ways.  So when you make a plan, and take your tolerable steps, also take the time to notice what you did and how it went.  Take time to memorise how achieving your tolerable step feels in your body (likely flushes of dopamine and feel-good endorphins).

And even better, write all this down.  It’s the noticing of this sort of feedback that helps you create new neural pathways, changing those autopilot reactions to ones that serve you better.

Making a plan, working out tolerable steps, capturing wins, exploring how your perfectionism is showing up, thinking about how you’d like to show up, even exploring the origins of your perfectionism – these all are so much easier when you write them down.  Journalling can really be your friend here.  There’s something about writing (or speaking to an active listener – hello coaching) that can give a fresh perspective.  It’s a fabulous tool for getting a bit of distance from your usual approach, and starting to uncover new ways.

I have a simple and free guide to journalling which is a great starting point if you need a helping hand.  Drop me an email if you’d like a copy.

I use this word a lot and it’s pretty common now in self help/psychology worlds.  But I appreciate it’s not in everyone’s vocab so let me explain a little more.  Essentially, regulation refers to the ability of the nervous system (think body, unconscious mind, conscious mind) to adapt and respond appropriately to the current moment. It means being able to shift fluidly between appropriate states of activation (like fight or flight but there’s a few more) and not getting stuck in past patterns or stressors. A regulated nervous system can handle stress, maintain presence, and respond to what’s happening here and now – the conscious mind stays in charge.

The ability to self-regulate is where we can learn techniques to soothe autonomic nervous system activation and therefore influence our feelings, thoughts, behaviours. It’s gives breathing space between trigger and reaction, calms the autopilot responses, quietens the inner critic, shifts the procrastination…

We want to use regulation tools whenever we’re trying to make a change to perfectionism as a protective pattern.  So bring it in before and after doing the journalling or trying a tolerable step.  There’s some hints about how to do this in some of my previous blogs here.

And of course, do reach out if you’re struggling with this on your own.  I can help.