Is Perfectionism a Problem? (#2 Perfectionism Series)

Perfectionism has been linked with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, panic attacks, OCD, and even suicidal ideation and bipolar disorder.  Physically, it is believed to contribute to high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, digestive issues including irritable bowel disorder, fatigue, insomnia, and burnout.

A cruel inner critic plus regular (negative) comparison to others chips away at self-esteem.  Essentially, perfectionism means that we don’t put much emphasis on our successes and instead strive to meet often impossible standards.  In that environment, we can never feel good enough, satisfied, or content with who and what we are.

If only perfect will do, it’s very difficult go through the learning phase – when we’re new, a bit wobbly, just not very good.  It can feel unbearable to sit in this place, and easy to just give up or avoid it in the first place.  The net result of this that we can close down our options, reject activities that we actually may love, may be great at, may be our true path and purpose.

As Brené Brown says “there is no innovation and creativity without failure”. Perfectionism makes us fear failure and try to avoid it at any cost.  And so we block the creative process which is all about exploring new things, pushing boundaries, giving things a go, learning from our mistakes – all without judgement or criticism.

It’s ironic that the quest for perfect closes down the best ways for us to improve.  That’s an honest and open space where we can share mistakes, learn from what works and what doesn’t work, and try things before they’re fully finalised is the core of improvement.  Errors and difficulties should be shared learning opportunities, improving future processes.  Sharing something before it’s fully finished allows us to hone, based on real feedback from the people who it is for, rather than just presuming we know best as to what they want.

It can be very difficult for perfectionists to be good managers.  We can easily set the same unachievable, rigid standards on others as we do ourselves.  And as we don’t meet our own standards, we don’t believe anyone else can so can easily micromanage, eroding confidence and the chance of others to develop.  Perfectionism can create an atmosphere of fear, where people play it safe and daren’t share when they’re struggling or when they’ve made a mistakes.  It can easily become a toxic, competitive work environment without support, personal development, improvement, innovation and a team pulling together.

Perfectionists are often full of fear – terrified to show vulnerability, ask for help, share less than perfect, or learn from mistakes.  I find that if often goes hand in hand with a scarcity mindset – where it’s felt that there is a finite amount of resources so we are all in competition.  There can be bitterness, jealously, resentment of others who seem to hit their targets more easily, have less stress, can just get on with things without the procrastination.  It easy to feel very defensive.  It’s a really vicious circle as it just magnifies the idea that you have to be even better than you are right now …

Perhaps it seems like the complete opposite to the above, but perfectionism can also be strongly linked with people-pleasing.  There is a lot of fear of rejection and judgement and so it’s often easier to acquiesce, play it small and safe, and just try to keep everyone happy (which, BTW, never makes anyone happy!).

It’s easy to see how much pressure perfectionist traits create.  And pressure = stress = procrastination.  Every decision can feel life or death, every task is huge, nothing can be just acceptable.  That’s overwhelming and makes it difficult to start.

And to keep at this pace, constantly pushing, never celebrating, always feeling judged, always feeling like you’re missing the target depletes energy reserves.  I see a strong link with perfectionism and burnout (and speak as a recovering perfectionist who has experienced burnout!).

Perfectionists operate in a constant state of stress, which is an inefficient mode to stay in long term.  It’s where we struggle to set priorities and focus clearly.  It can be really difficult to make the decisions needed around compromise and balance – where we do some tasks as “good enough” so we can meet delivery on everything that’s due.

All of this makes a toxic soup where it’s really difficult to show up authentically.  When we feel like constantly judged (by ourslves or others) and that any slip can be catastrophic, it’s hard to just be.  We shape shift to please others, hide struggles and vulnerabilities and avoid giving things a go that might really be our thing.

I see many perfectionists struggle to even tune into their wants and needs, likes and dislikes.  Everything is seen in terms of achievement and external validation, activities only done when they can be the very best – everything is seen through the lens of how it appears to others.  There’s no room for pleasure, joy, purpose, legacy. Or giving space to listen to what’s really doing it for you.