Behaviour change is hard work.  Our systems are wired to thrive on familiarity so are never keen on doing things differently.

So how do we bring in new things, and help them to feel normal and routine, so they last without gritted teeth and willpower?

Wow, there’s so much to help with this (as I’ve mentioned before and am sure to keep banging on about – I hugely recommend James Clear’s Atomic Habits book).

But also I’m going to share a simple little trick which so many of us forget and which I talk about regularly in my coaching.

And that is setting up a positive feedback loop, every time you do something in the new way, by:

  • Taking the time to notice that you’ve done it, or at least given it a try
  • Encouraging yourself to feel a sense of pride or achievement for that (no matter the outcome)
  • Shh-ing the inner voice that says “no big deal”, “didn’t do it very well”, “everyone else can do it”, “this is stupid!”…
  • And tuning into how you feel afterwards – in your mind but also in your body

So you make the effort to do the new thing (and using all those other tips I’ve shared previously – lots of self regulation before and after, start small, find the next tiny step, attach it to an ingrained habit you’re already doing…)  And then take yourself through this process immediately afterwards, even if it hasn’t been a complete success (stay focused on the process, not the results).

Because this is the Reward part of the habit cycle of Cue-Craving-Response-Reward – the process of all habit forming.

It signals to your conscious AND non-conscious brain/nervous system that this change is not a danger and if fact brings floods of good chemicals, like dopamine and serotonin.

So you make the effort to do the new thing (and using all those other tips I’ve shared previously – lots of self regulation before and after, start small, find the next tiny step, attach it to an ingrained habit you’re already doing…)  And then take yourself through this process immediately afterwards, even if it hasn’t been a complete success (stay focused on the process, not the results).

Because this is the Reward part of the habit cycle of Cue-Craving-Response-Reward – the process of all habit forming.

It signals to your conscious AND non-conscious brain/nervous system that this change is not a danger and if fact brings floods of good chemicals, like dopamine and serotonin.

And as you’ll know from reading my blogs, most procrastination and habitual thoughts/behaviours are rooted in the parts of our body and brain that are out of reach of conscious thought – so we have to bring them onboard.

And so next time, it will be that little bit easier. In fact, you may soon start to crave this way of being.

This is how we lock in the new good stuff, and start welcoming change.

Don’t forget to check out the first part of this blog series – Building Healthy Habits That Last #1 Casting A Vote.

And of course, this works with what I call the classic habits that people often desire, such as exercise, study and self care activities.  But it also works when you’re trying to shift those deeper barriers, such as quietening that critical voice that’s making things tough, finding your voice to stand up and be counted and feeling confident to hold your space (as the real you).

All things I work with in my coaching, and which flourish with a healthy feedback loop.
Why not give it a go?  And give me a shout if you want a helping hand.