In a previous blog, I mentioned the biggest stumbling blocks I see for those struggling to put their plans into (consistent) action – going too big, too quickly, and only focusing on the goal; not celebrating the steps to get there.  BTW this is part of a mini series of blogs about building healthy habits that last – you can see the other parts here and here

Another major stumbling block is how many of us feel that the only way to motivate ourselves is through harshness, strictness and negativity.

But it’s just not true.  As the adage goes:
“If being hard on myself worked, it would have worked by now”

And in my practice, I passionately encourage creating change through self compassion, positivity and resilience building instead.

Because if you’re a procrastinating perfectionist with a harsh inner voice, it’s likely your autonomic nervous system is highly sensitive.  That means self recrimination is only going to activate it more, which in turn means that the non-conscious parts of your body and brain will slam on the brakes, making action impossible or unsustainable.

Think of how you would teach a small child or train a dog.  The advice would be to:

  • take small, steadily increasing steps
  • teach through encouragement and reward the positive behaviours
  • move on from mistakes without judgement or punishment
  • give consistent, unconditional love and support

How does this compare with how you support yourself when trying something new, when something doesn’t quite work out, when your first few attempts aren’t just right?  My guess is that it’s worlds away.

And by using harsh rules and punishments, strictness and restriction, we again create huge internal resistance in those non-conscious part of us that are often calling the shots.

Instead, how about focusing on helping the flowers to flourish, which crowd out the weeds, rather than trying to annihilate those weeds with toxic killer that wipes them out, but also makes it much harder for those flowers to grow?

Something to mull on perhaps.  There’s so much to all this, I could go on and on (but I won’t!).  Do feel free to check out some of my other blogs around similar topics with practical tips:
Perfectionism – when enough is enough!
Making life harder for yourself?
How to stop procrastinating and get stuff done!
Soothing Stress & Anxiety

It doesn’t have to be this way.  If you’re feeling stuck as a procrastinating perfectionist, or tired of being so hard on yourself, let’s talk.

My holistic coaching combines coaching, somatics and healing modalities to help you be who you were always meant to be. Like Louise:

“I now have the confidence to move forward and can challenge the thoughts and behaviours which have been holding me back.  I’ve climbed out of the swamp of overwhelm, procrastination and comparisonitis.  And I now feel that I can follow my true trajectory, for me, my family and my business.”