An old favourite topic return to my coaching space this week – challenging the notion that slog and graft is the way we prove our worth and value.
So many of us seem to feel the need to show that we’re working, that we’re delivering, that we’re earning our keep is by providing blood, sweat and tears.
Many of us – indeed our society – seems very tied to the idea that we have to PROVE our value with effort, slog, time and, dare I say, stress levels (often worn as a badge of commitment).
But I really don’t believe is has to be this way. In the world of work, we should actually be tuning into our value, results, and impact – rather than how hard, how long, how fast we’re working. We have to move away from the idea that money = time. In our relationships (of all types), we need to develop a calm confidence in our self worth just by being who we are, rather than needing to keep proving ourself or “buying” love with service.
How much time or effort that takes is no one’s business but ours and actually, if we can do that in a calm, efficient way without the blood, sweat and tears, then everyone benefits.
I keep banging on about this but if you’re feeling like you have to do more, go faster, work harder, more, more, more than your brain and physiology is in the stressed fight or flight zone and there is no way you’re operating at your best.
The beliefs underpinning this can be powerful and take some shifting. Perhaps you only got affection when you were useful as a kid or you went through really difficult times when you had to graft to survive and now your nervous system hasn’t twigged that you’re no longer in that place. Perhaps you were brought up by generations who only knew the time = money work equation or who celebrated graft, and it feels a bit icky to move to a different way of seeing value.
Whatever the reason, this is one of the most common issues I witness and it’s amazing the pernicious impact it can have. And I love helping people to gently challenge this so instead of mindlessly feeling they always have to do more, they can celebrate what they really do provide (and do that so much more effectively), be paid fairly, and be accepted and valued for who they are, not what they give.
And that’s so liberating.
Oh, and if you fancy some of that, let’s talk.
