I came across some interesting research recently (even though it’s pretty old).
In a 1998 study, 128 children aged 10-11 were given maths problems to solve. After the first set of questions, some children were told “You did really well – you’re so clever”, the rest were told “You did really well – you must have tried really hard.”
They were then given more difficult maths problems. Those who had been praised for their efforts solved more problems and worried less about failing than those who had been told that they were clever. In fact, when asked to describe the experiment afterwards, some of the “clever” exaggerated their scores.
This is an old study of course and has limitations, but seems to withstand scrutiny. Indeed, other studies have found similar – that “process-oriented praise” (for effort and strategy) improves motivation and perseverance, whereas “person-oriented praise” (for innate traits like intelligence) can lower motivation, increase avoidance and up procrastination.
Of course, frequent, specific praise can help boost confidence, behaviour, focus and mood. But it has to be the right praise in the right way:
The reason this interests me is not child upbringing, but how it relates to my coaching clients!
So, with my coaching, we instead nurture awareness, insight and self-compassion. We help confidence and self esteem to blossom. We tune into heart and mind to uncover the real you. And part of the process is celebrating the wins.
But a win isn’t goal achievement or highlighting a talent. It’s the journey, not (just) the destination – the effort, the plan, the noticing, the giving things a go, the nearly theres, the trying again and again, the picking back up after a fall, the small but oh so significant shifts.
Because change is hard, and it takes time. And welcoming some inner praise, the right praise, is a great place to start.
