Ok, I might be about to put myself out of business here.

After all, a lot of my coaching is about working with people to help them shift, change and improve.

But the idea of acceptance is one that has become increasingly important to me and, as it’s been cropping up in my coaching space too, I thought I’d share more.

I’m passionate about transformation and growth, finding ways to release the stuff that holds us back.

But I also hate to see people live in a constant state of war with themselves, caught up in self-criticism and obsessed with “fix-it”.  It’s a cruel, harsh place to be, full of angst and stress; never feeling at ease in your own skin.

Of course, coaching can help to release or lessen many of the “fix-its”.  But as important is the work I do on helping others (and myself!) to find acceptance, instead of feeling broken.

So for example, the client feels she is too easily triggered at work – body in fight or flight, tears close to the surface, cheeks turning pink when “attacked”.  Even so, she is able to take a breath, gather herself enough to hold her ground and push back calmly, making her case with clarity.

It’s understandable that she wants rid of the reactions that feel out of proportion to her.  And we’re working to keep building that resilience so the stress response is less vigourous.

But we’re also honouring this part that gets activated.  It’s been around a long time; it carries hurts and sensitives; it has an innate understanding of her life lived.

These aspects of us are just as valid as any other in making up who we are.  By learning to accept them with compassion and live alongside them, we can nurture the more “adult” parts of us – calm, capable, present, proactive rather than reactive – to show up more.

Full disclosure, I had a run in with this myself recently on holiday.  I was looking after 2 kids with special needs, there’s was loads of noise and constant requests for my attention.  I was trying to cook dinner for 6, make packed lunches, pack a case for leaving the following day, and to fix some issue with a TV. Everyone was demanding something from me urgently and I ended up shouting at my 80 year old mum.

I was talking to a mentor about how I wanted to stop being so reactive to things like this. I wanted all my coaching and self-regulation tools to keep me in a Zen-like, loving space.

She reflected that this was a situation, particularly for me – I’m pretty sensitive to people and noise overload.  And it really stuck me that she was right – and that I’ve not fully got to grips with acceptance.

Now this doesn’t give me a pass to be shouty. But I can bring more focus on how I can help myself in situations like this rather than trying not to be this person at all.

It can be a subtle shift but it really helps.  Accepting ALL of ourself can be the key to feeling happier in who we are.  And rather than being about defeat or passivity, acceptance is truly the foundation of positive change and self-development.

Why not give it a go?  I’d love to hear how you get on with it…