Ok, so last time we were looking at radical self-honesty.  The power of being really honest with ourselves – and even being really honest with others about ourself.  Looking deep within and acknowledging, even sharing, those shady parts – releasing shame, learning acceptance and flourishing.

But what do you think about radical honesty with others, at all times?

Welcome to the world of Radical Honesty.

So what is radical honesty?

Radical honesty is just what it sounds like – always telling the truth, without exception.  Not just avoiding big lies, but ditching the little “good” ones, too.

It means saying what you’re really thinking and feeling, even when it’s awkward, uncomfortable, or even a little weird.

Lying, big and small, is often seen as vital for harmonious human interactions.

But there’s a school of thought that believe that it causes more harm than good.  The term was coined by Dr Brad Blanton, a psychotherapist who essentially said that we should stop lying because of the stress it’s causing.  He believed that most of our emotional suffering doesn’t come from the truth – it comes from all the effort we spend trying to hide, distort, or spin it.

And that radical honesty actually means self-expression, dropping the mask, and sharing the real you (big coaching themes for me!)

Surely, this can only go wrong!

I get that.  And I have to say, I’m not sure how truly radical I am when it comes to radical honesty.  But I definitely think there’s something in it.

It isn’t a license to be cruel, or to offload all of our baggage all of the time. But it is about share your reality, rather than some sanitised version of yourself.  It’s about having difficult conversations when they’re needed.  It can involve vulnerability and responsibility – vital for true connection.  It can be about helping others by giving them the unfiltered, unbiased information they are looking for.  And it’s often the foundation of positive change.

Here’s just some of the benefits:

  • It reduces stress: pretending is exhausting and so is second-guessing yourself. Telling the truth clears mental clutter and brings peace, even if there might be some short-term discomfort

  • It can deepen relationships: when you’re honest, others often feel safer to be honest too. It’s the foundation of genuine connection

  • You learn what people really think: instead of guessing, assuming, or overthinking, radical honesty creates a culture where people just tell you – kindly and with curiosity. And you get to do the same.  It’s empowering, freeing, supportive…

  • It can help you and others grow: like we talked about in the last blog, getting real gives actual material to work with. None of us are meant to be perfect, but it’s great to be able to look.

Where to start on practicing Radical Honesty?

Here’s a few tips on how to make a start on some bringing in some honesty:

  • Start with yourself: check out my last blog for more about how to do this

  • Use “I” language: this is useful for any difficult conversation. Share your experience without blame. “When this happens, I feel this annoyed”, rather than “Stop that, you’re driving me mad” or “When you do this, you make me feel this”.

  • Practice with people you trust and with simple situations: choose people who are open to this kind of communication. Share what you’re trying to do and why. Ask for consent. And start with simple situations and build. Think “this sandwich was soggy” rather than giving your boss some home truths

  • Expect awkwardness; handle the consequences: this is new and so it will feel a bit odd at first. And sometimes you might get it wrong. That’s ok. Stay in the conversation – you have the skills to turn things round if needed. And if someone gets sad or mad, then stay with them – listen with empathy and try to stay in connected. Learn and go again. It will get easier; it will get better.

Of course, do remember that safety is key. In situations involving abuse, power imbalances, or unsafe dynamics, radical honesty might not be wise or possible.

Why not dip a toe in the water at least?

As I say, I might not be fully radical in my honesty, but I passionately believe that honesty – with ourselves and with others – is truly transformational, even healing.  And for many of the issues I see in coaching – like poor self-esteem and low confidence, people-pleasing, lack of certainty about own needs, wants, purpose or direction, perfectionism and a vicious inner critic – it’s a vital first step.

And I’m here to help! If you want to learn to be honest with yourself and others, and work things out in a safe, supportive space whether you can really be yourself, let’s talk…