So many people are being so hard on themselves right now.  In fact I’d go so far to say it’s as if they’re at war with themselves, or at the very least getting in their own way.  Self-acceptance is tough.

So I’m talking about more ways to work with, rather than against, ourselves  
Looking at how to become our own support system and cheerleader
And imagining just what might be possible if we can be on our own side, and supporting ourselves to go further rather than dragging ourselves down and holding ourselves back

Now, if I say so myself, there’s some great advice about building self-esteem and dialling down the negative self-talk in this current self-esteem blog series.  Do check the other ones out if you haven’t already.

And I’d like to add to this with what I see as the most foundational piece of this work….

  • The ability to start to get to know our real selves, to sit with ourselves without the noise or distraction and to harness self compassion and self acceptance

  • Using proven techniques to draw our attention away from the hyper-focus on the negative, the slips, the shame spiral

  • And learning how to love ourselves, warts and all.  To find a place to accept all aspects of ourselves and to know there’s goodness, talent, potential and so much more

Essentially to recognise our own humanity – just as we see it in others.

It’s not easy to do but it is possible, whatever stage of life you’re at (trust me, I’ve done it myself).  Here’s a few tips to get started:

  • Self compassion – the foundation is always bringing in more kindness and understanding.  Bring awareness to the negative self-talk and dial it down – try to speak to yourself as you would someone else

  • Unconditional acceptance: Try to tune into how you can unconditionally love and support yourself for who you are right now.  Not who think you need to be or will be at some future point in time.  Not for what you deliver and can do.  Just you – a complete, imperfect, wonderful human.  Journalling can be a useful tool for this

  • Validation: Try to find ways of giving yourself validation for who you are (as opposed to craving it externally or considering your value only in terms of what you provide).  Imagine a precious gemstone inside and look for ways to polish it and keep it safe so it can radiate. This can be a useful visualisation! (affirmations can help too)

  • Self esteem gratitude journalling: this can be really helpful, especially with a focus on exploring who you are as well as what you’ve done.  Remember to include looking at the flaws, the quirks, the weaknesses or shortcomings.  And practice being ok with them. There’s more information here

  • Connection: take time to connect with the real you – without distraction, without noise, without feeling everything has to be perfect. Use tools to find calm and then bring awareness and presence to being you, being in your own skin, being fully accepting of all that’s there

Some of this won’t come easily.  Many thought patterns will have been there for years and be embedded in your protection system.  So we have to find small, consistent steps to create sustainable change in a way that works for you, and harness techniques to let the nervous system know this new way is safe.

That’s where I come in – please reach out if you’d like a helping hand.